As we celebrate our 7th year of marriage, I could make it look like it’s been all bliss.
Life is perfect.
We are the perfect couple.
Life is always great.
Someone once told me we were the “power couple for Christ.” Which is an amazing compliment, but, for those of you who know me, I am not about the highlight reel.
When we pretend our marriages are perfect, we do a huge disservice to other married couples who may have struggles.
I also think that we do the same thing to unmarried people when we complain about our spouse or our marriage and make it appear that the struggles are not worth it.
There is a difference between being real and complaining about your spouse.
This is meant to be real. A dose of reality.
First off, when we met we were not leading a very Christian life. Honestly, we weren’t really followers at all. Neither of us were sexually pure and we moved in together 4 months after we met.
Here we were, both fiercely independent people, in their late 20’s, with trust issues. What could possibly go wrong in this scenario?
Sure life was exceptionally great at first. We had a ton of fun together. We easily fell into that movie, romantic love. He swept me off my feet. He was mesmerized by me. So, we got married. And in the movies, this is when the credits roll. But in real life-things are just getting started.
Marriage comes with challenges. When we first got married we were basically glorified roommates with wedding bands. Not much changed since we had already been living together.
Then, start adding in the stress of life and children-things can get rough. We started to see that the way we were living wasn’t really a marriage and we needed to make changes.
If it wasn't for God, we very likely wouldn’t be celebrating this anniversary. Or maybe we would, but not with the same joy that both of us feel now.
But God is good. God shows us grace. He has taught us how to do the same.
How to forgive.
How to love...better...more real.
Neither of us are perfect. We both like to be in control. I’m a sore loser. He can be selfish. He can come off harsh and I’m super sensitive. So of course-we argue and fight and at times, are not so kind to one another.
God has taught us a different and deeper kind of love. It is so much stronger than it was 7 years ago when we said “I do.” We both have a different understanding of what a Christian marriage means to us and more importantly, what it means to God.
We have experienced the massive impact it has on your life when you start to look to God’s plan for your marriage instead or your own.
When you get married, you get so much cute marriage advice. Some of it was helpful. But the most valuable advice we received neither of us understood at the time.
“You wake up every day and make the choice to love each other.” I didn’t understand. We did love each other. Love is a feeling, right?
Wrong, love is an action. And some days it is so easy to love. Some days are absolute bliss. But some of the days have been really hard. Some weeks have been filled with tears. There have been seasons of pain. But on each of those days-we chose to love each other. We chose to love each other even in the moments we really didn't want to.
In making that choice, it has changed our relationship. We have continued to grow together. We have deepened our connection and our commitment to one another. And our commitment to God has also changed.
Through the ups and downs, the fights, the good days, the bad ones-one thing is still crystal clear. There is no other person I would rather be with on the roller-coaster of life with.
We recently had one of the hardest conversations of our relationship, but we saw God walk us through it. And though it was painful, we watched Him bring us out on the other side with more appreciation for each other, a deeper love, a stronger bond and a renewed dedication to our marriage, in a way only God can.
This weekend we spent 24 hours, just the two of us. With three kids, this is typically near impossible. A miracle in itself. And it was absolutely perfect. It was the reminder of the gift that marriage is. The gift we are to each other. How incredibly blessed we are that God chose to bring us together.
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And I am reminded that I would rather go through all the ups and downs and the hard days with him, than an easy road with anyone else.
He is the love of my life, my best friend, the father of my children, my husband.
He is the one I want to comfort me, even when he is the one I am angry at.
He is the one who makes me laugh, even in the moments I don't want to.
He is the one who I still get teary eyed watching play with our children.
He is still the one who makes me want to be the best version of myself.
He challenges me spiritually.
He supports me in all my endeavors.
He believes in me when I don’t believe in myself.
He doesn't even realize all that he provides me within our marriage.
He is the one I want holding my hand through all the twists and turns of life.
He is my rock.
I never want to imagine one day in this world without him.
Marriage isn’t easy. Marriage can be really hard. But every hard moment is worth it. It helps us grow. It helps to sanctify us. It makes those seasons of happiness even more special, because we know that we have worked for it with God at the center.
We haven’t always put our relationship first, but God’s grace has helped us not to give up on one another.
I pray for my husband and will continue to thank God for him each and every day.
Here’s to 7 years, Jay-I truly love you more today than the day we got married-I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us in the years to come.
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