My Middle Child

I find myself mesmerized as I gaze at her sweet face as she snuggles into bed. Hair is a mess and her pjs probably don’t match.  Might even be on backwards, inside out or both.  She has a style all her own.  My middle child.  Did I plan her?  Nope.  Had I followed my plan, I would have missed out on the gift of being her mother.  Lucky for me, God had a different plan. 

After I had my first child, I WAS DONE.  To say my pregnancy was challenging is an understatement.  And pregnancy was easy in comparison to my delivery.  Without providing the terrifying details and risking traumatizing new moms to be, I will simply say there was nothing typical about it.  It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want more children, as much as I didn’t want to go through any of that again.  So, I had successfully convinced myself that one child was all I was going to have.

Right before Ellyana’s first birthday my hubby approached the subject of another baby.  I kindly humored him and told him we could discuss it when I had finished my masters degree.  That bought me some time.   The plan was that when it was time to talk about it again, I would come up with a new excuse as to why I wasn’t ready yet and we would continue this circular conversation until menopause.  I had a plan. 

A rock-solid plan.

Oh, but God has a sense of humor. One week, one week exactly, after my beautiful first child turned one, I realized I was late.  Since I am never late, I decided I needed to take a pregnancy test.  It read error.  Error?  They have an error message? So much for spending extra money on those digital tests.  Ok, to be fair it was kind of an old test, but still!  I took another one.  PREGNANT.  As scared as I was in that moment, I also found myself surprisingly…happy. 

From early on, she has kept me on my toes. She never ceases to amaze me.  She is a thinker.  A planner.  She executes her plans perfectly.  She understands and uses sarcasm appropriately.  She is witty and wise beyond her years.

Emmy is the kid that is clean when I close the van door and has dirt on her face when I open it.  She always looks like she just had the best day ever when I pick her up from school.  Seriously, I have found sticks in her hair. You can guarantee rocks are in her pocket.  She wears dresses to play in the dirt. 

And on any given day you will find her involved in her art.  Focusing for long periods of time on her sidewalk chalk creations.  You can find her singing, dancing and putting on quite the performance at random.  Whether a Disney movie or worship music, she has an uncanny ability to remember lyrics.  How she memorizes prayers and scripture is fascinating to me.   

She always has someone laughing.  She knows exactly how to push her big sister’s buttons. But through all the silliness, she has the biggest heart.  She loves fiercely, even at a young age.  She is the first to give me words of wisdom when I need it.  With a big hug and a reminder “don’t be sad mommy, Jesus loves you.”  She seems to understand Jesus on a deeper level than I do. She offers the most heartfelt prayers.  She is such a kid now as she is creeping up on age 4 but, she still wants to snuggle with me. 

See, God had her planned from the very beginning.  And He picked me to be her mommy. I was blinded by fear and he showed me the miracle he had in store.  As I snuggle with her before bed, I thank him for the blessing of my Emmy. I could never fully put into words the gratitude I feel that God didn’t listen to my plans and give me what I thought I wanted.  The world needs her.  I need her.  Emeilia will remain the best surprise I ever got.