Mom Life~Rockstar or Disaster

Somedays I’m a Rockstar, Pinterest mom…somedays. Crafts, experiments, baking…from…scratch.  House clean and organized.  Laundry done...and put away.  Drink my coffee HOT.  Ok, ok…it’s lukewarm.  You get the picture. 

Then, well, there are days when reality hits. I’m more like the “nailed it” version of Pinterest mom.  Kids in their pjs.  Maybe put deodorant on. Toddler is eating food off the floor.  Hope the food was from today.  Still in my pajamas. Let’s be honest, right now, is anyone seriously putting on real clothes…everyday?  We won’t be discussing the house or those piles of laundry.

It’s all about balance, right? 

Every day, I thank our Heavenly Father for my family, but somedays, it’s HARD.  Right now, this, this 24/7 quarantine thing, is even harder.  God tells us that we are supposed to rely on Him first.  But in Rockstar moments, I give myself too much credit and start to rely on God less. 

Recently, my week started off in absolute Rockstar status.  Girls were doing their school work. Huge win since my sweet 3-year-old has been slightly unmotivated in this department.  Even with a teething toddler with a fever, everyone made their zoom calls.

Photo by Lauren Mancke on Unsplash

In our new normal, kids eat lunch, I pop in “Let it go” (as Addy calls it) and the girls are occupied for my 30-minute lesson. 

But this day, hmmm.  No.  No, that was not how things were going to go.   

Class was starting as Emmy came running out…NAKED!  Why was she naked?  Good question. I didn’t really take time to ask.  And frankly, I ask where some article of clothing has gone almost daily.

Frantically, I put clothes on her.  I turned my attention away from my now clothed child and greeted my students.  Smart little lady took this opportunity to not only eat chocolate but to rub it all over her face. Personally, I find this to be a waste of perfectly good chocolate.  My “lesson” started as I was assisting in the chocolate clean up. Finally clothed, chocolate residue free, ready to join the Frozen sing along. 

Sigh of relief. Nope. Too soon. Too soon. 

Addy located me and the zoom call.  This kid has developed an unhealthy relationship with zoom.  She started waving and saying “hi.”  Super cute, yes, but slightly distracting.  Curiosity quickly turned to my work papers and a masterpiece was about to be created.

Fifteen minutes into class, what am I teaching?  Does anyone know?

Quick deep breath. Back to teach these highly engaged 12^th graders.

Cue rule following 5-year-old, tattling on her sister at a decibel only dogs can hear. She ripped off one of those “do not remove tags.” In the confusion, Emmy smacked her head off the counter. More screaming.  So…much…SCREAMING.  No blood. Nothing an ice pack can’t fix.

Are my students even still there?  Oh, yes, yes they are, just hanging on to see what chaos will ensue next.  Curiously enough, they’re substantially more engaged than usual.

One student asked “You don’t want more kids, right?”

At this moment, Addy decides to use her superior intelligence to lock my phone…for 15 minutes…only after placing an emergency call. 

In my 30 minute “lesson” I am pretty sure my students didn’t learn any Economics, but are possibly rethinking having children of their own.

By bedtime, I was far past exhausted. Addy didn’t nap well that day. Due to a little disagreement over how many times to read “Brown Bear, Brown Bear,” she went to bed late. I curled up in bed and within minutes of falling asleep, I hear Addy. 

She began to cry.  And, well, I began to cry too. Feeling drained in every way, I needed sleep.  I cried. I prayed.  In all the chaos of life, I just needed to spend a few minutes with Jesus.  I finally broke my own rule and brought her in bed with me.  She curled right up, calmed down and within minutes was snoring on my chest. We both finally slept.

                                                                    

A few days later I heard Casting Crowns on the radio.  As the song “Just be held” started to play, the lyrics flooded over me.

I try to hold it all together, be everything to everyone.  Taking on more than I should has always been my thing. Stress is taking its toll on me.  My roles are the same, but they are all overlapping now.  What fills my cup is simply not there.  As much as I know God is in control, giving up control is a struggle. Some may say I am a control freak.

At times, we think God is being silent.  Is He or are we not listening?  God reaches us, when we are open to hearing Him.  Those lyrics felt as if written just for me. What do I need right now? To be held, to rest in Him, to trust His plan. 

When I step back and quiet myself, there He is.  Might be scripture, call from a friend, devotional, song on the radio; He meets me where I am.  Reminds me that He loves me.  I am not sure exactly how to just be held. I know that increasing my time focused on Him is step one.  Time in prayer is essential.  He knows me, my true heart.  He sees my tears.  He knows what’s best.  He is in control. And it’s okay to not be the perfect Pinterest, rockstar mom. 

  

                                                            Photo by Neal E. Johnson on Unsplash