Someone backed into my van. Now that seems like something that could happen to anyone. It is pretty common I assume. But, did I mention I was stopped, at a red light, on a busy road? It felt like slow motion as I watched this car back up...down the hill and right into me. I couldn’t prevent it. There was nothing I could do at this moment. I mean, you don’t expect this to happen. I was not mentally prepared for this. Especially, not on that day.
I did the normal thing I assume someone would do in a situation such as this. I looked at him awkwardly and confused. He got out of his car and proceeded to yell at me. I am sure my confused look was even more awkward now. Was all of this really happening?
He informed me in his outside voice that his car stopped working. I still have no idea what that means. Not only did his car stop working, but so did his foot and hand because he couldn’t brake or put it into park until after his car made contact with mine. He then made sure I understood that my van was fine and I didn’t need to inspect it further. In his same kind tone, he told me I needed to drive around him because his car wasn’t going to move anytime soon.
Typically, I would have been very polite, possibly even helpful. But not today. Not in this moment. Instead I spouted off “good luck with your car” in my outside voice. And I clearly wasn't wishing him well. It was even sarcastic and a bit rude. Not my usual behavior.
As I drove away, my anger turned into tears. The entire experience was quite unpleasant. Suddenly, I felt bad for being rude. I should have done better. I should have controlled myself. I should have been more kind. I allowed myself to feed off of his negativity. How I handled myself in that moment could have been a reflection of God, but instead I stooped to his level. I missed an opportunity to show the love of Christ to someone else.
I knew I needed to forgive him for how he treated me. Forgiveness. Eek. We all love being forgiven and we are so thankful for the forgiveness of Jesus. But when it comes to us forgiving someone else, that’s where it gets tricky.
His lack of an apology doesn’t negate that I need to forgive him. And then I need to forgive myself for my own poor behavior. Forgiving ourselves can also be a challenge.
In my life I have found it easy to forgive minor indiscretions. Well, maybe after some minor venting and possible dwelling. But REAL forgiveness is HARD. It’s hard to forgive someone who has hurt you, wronged you, caused you pain. The closer that person is to you, the greater that pain, the harder to forgive. It feels almost impossible when the person never asks you for forgiveness.
But Jesus tells us to forgive and He knows it’s not going to be easy. Matthew 6:14-15, Psalm 103:3, Luke 11:4, Colossians 3:13. These are just a few of the scriptures reminding us to forgive. Just a FEW. I take it that He really means it when he tells us to forgive.
What does that look like to forgive others who have hurt you? What does it look like to forgive ourselves? And how do we ask for forgiveness and accept that we have caused pain to someone else? Over the course of the next few weeks I am going to explore forgiveness. Join me in growing in our ability to forgive as Jesus calls us to do.
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